Effective advice on how to save a marriage on the verge of divorce. How to save family relationships and save marriage? tips on how to save a marriage from divorce

How could it happen that your close-knit family is about to fall apart? What was the reason: betrayal, cooling of feelings, insurmountable everyday problems? And most importantly, how to save a falling apart marriage? Many couples are looking for answers to these questions, being on the verge of divorce. After reading this article, you will learn the opinion of family psychologists on how to save a marriage and avoid divorce.

Reasons for divorce

Unfortunately, Russia is one of the world leaders in the number of divorces. According to statistics, every second officially concluded marriage breaks up. There are many reasons for divorce.

The main ones are:

The reason for divorce can also be sexual dissatisfaction, the inability to have a child, separation, different interests and upbringing, and even passion for computer games and the Internet.

How to save a family?

It is difficult to determine which of the reasons becomes the starting point for the collapse of the marriage. Perhaps there are several such reasons. The answer to the question: “Is it worth saving a falling apart marriage?” each person can only give himself. But efforts to save him should be made by both spouses.

The initiative usually comes from the woman. It is no coincidence that she is called the keeper of the hearth.

Actions to save relationships must be thoughtful. Try to look at the situation from the outside, exclude screams, scandals, violent scenes to sort things out. Make an informed decision: to be or not to be your marriage union. If there is love, children, you have a lot in common, of course, such a family simply needs to be preserved. If she remains tired of unsuccessful relationships, life with her spouse becomes unbearable, then think: is it worth keeping such a marriage?

This terrible word: treason

The statistician claims that in the first place among the reasons for divorces or situations when a couple is on the verge of breaking up, there is betrayal. Cheating, oddly enough, is different: out of stupidity, under alcohol, due to the fact that a person is brought up this way and infidelity is not something immoral for him, because he fell in love, and so on. In any case, treason is insulting and painful.

Forgive your husband? Is it necessary to save a marriage after an infidelity has happened? Only the woman herself can answer these questions. Answer carefully and calmly.

The most important factors in favor of family preservation here are:

1. the desire of the spouse to save the marriage;
2. the presence of love and respect between partners;
3. the willingness of a man to break off relations with his mistress and never renew them.

If you decide to save your marriage even after infidelity:

• Don't tell anyone about the change. Even your mom or best friend. The intervention of third parties will only aggravate the situation;
• Don't lock yourself in. If you are able to talk with your spouse on this topic, try to discuss it without scandals;
• Try to sincerely forgive. Don't pretend to forgive if you haven't. Better wait a while.

It all depends on the woman

At the end of the article, we repeat once again that the preservation of the family is the effort and work of two. And yet a woman must take the first step on this thorny path.

The tips here for women on how to save a marriage are not new, but by following them, you can avoid the most common mistakes and save relationships.

What women should not do if they want to save the family:

1. Do not scold or criticize your husband in front of strangers, especially friends, relatives, parents. This will only cause anger and alienation.
2. Do not criticize his relatives, especially his mother. It is better not to touch on the topic of bad relatives at all.
3. Don't live on past hurts. You don’t need to remind you all the time that your husband is “terribly” to blame for you.
4. Do not criticize the man's dignity and business qualities of the spouse. Don't compare him to other men, especially sexually. He will never forgive such criticism.
5. Don't manipulate your husband. Attempts to evoke pity and sympathy with tears and pleas only irritate. Especially if children are involved in the process.
6. Do not let your husband see you unkempt and untidy. Watch your appearance. You must be the most attractive.
7. Don't lose interest in life. Find a hobby, read a book, get a new job. Let the husband see that next to him is a self-sufficient interesting woman.
8. Do not leave children and household unattended. A good mother and a wonderful hostess - that's what your spouse will lose in the event of a divorce.

But remember that you should not save a relationship when there is no mutual respect in them, if coldness and rudeness follow all your efforts in response. If the husband suffers from alcoholism or uses drugs, and does not want to be treated.

If he raised his hand to you. The only way out for a woman in this case is to get a divorce as soon as possible and find her happiness with a worthy man.

European civilized families, at the first sign of a slight whiff of a family crisis, march together to a psychologist. It is possible that such trips do not help every couple, but many have high hopes for family psychotherapists - he will allow them to talk heart to heart, and will not allow personalities and insults in the process of such a conversation. But this is all about them - Europeans, Americans, people of a different culture, for them it is not a shame to go to a psychologist, and it is not a pity for money. But the majority Russian families they live according to the good old proverbs and sayings, therefore they are sure that “saving the drowning is the work of the drowning themselves” and “taking dirty linen out of the hut” is not worth it for everyone to see. We believe that discussing family conflicts in the presence of specially trained people is almost useless and even stupid. Well, in this case, armed with the theory of psychology, let's try to glue together the family cup on our own.

1. Understand what to fix

Marriage rescue surgeries are especially loved by women. Selfless ladies rush to exploits for the return of their beloved to the family, by all means. In the meantime, the first action that would be wise to do is to find out if this very salvation of the marriage is necessary for the second half? If one of the couple has long decided for himself that there is nothing to save, and simply does not find the courage to report it? To tie a person who does not need it at all is violence. If your global views on life are completely different, if you do not agree on matters of religion, politics, raising children, organizing life or life values, but there is some kind of love chemistry between you, then even it will not save you from an inevitable break. Therefore, it is more logical to start any attempts to save a marriage with a frank conversation and making a mutually conscious decision that this very cracked marriage is worth the effort spent on its resuscitation. Can't decide? Take note of the psychological exercises that are widely used by family therapists. A sheet divided into two columns “for” and “against” marriage, and a projection of the future, when you have to imagine yourself and your family life in 5 years, will help here. Usually such simple exercises easily reveal the true deep desires and prospects for union.

2. Recognize the problem

Okay, we found out that the marriage bond is no longer so strong and both husband and wife need to save them. Now it would be worthwhile to decide on the problem, sore spots and cracks that need “operative” treatment: the husband’s bad habits, lack of attention, different outlooks on life or the sudden disappearance of sexual desire for each other - which of this list of problems is the true cause of the crack in family relationships? The deeper you delve into the sources of discord, the more likely you are to find what is causing the destruction and discord, and understand how to deal with it.

3. Arm yourself with theory

I wonder why family psychologists are so famously able to unravel the twisted tangles of problems? An innate talent, years of psychological practice, or some kind of secret instinct? No, any psychotherapist is armed to the teeth with theoretical knowledge about human behavior, about temperaments and the cyclical nature of crises in relationships. Arm yourself with theory and you may find answers to many questions clear for you. Your husband is silent all the time, in no hurry to express his feelings, delights and disappointments, and you conclude that he has grown cold, does not love, a callous, thick-skinned dork. Or maybe he is just an ordinary phlegmatic, calm, slow, but sincerely loving you? By the way, in the same way, the truth is revealed that people's relationships change over time, passion is replaced by a feeling of reliability, tender affection - and this is normal, and definitely not a reason for parting.

4. Start with yourself

So, problems are found, and their presence definitely does not suit you. Are you hungry for change, but are you unlikely to start with yourself? And it’s worth it, nevertheless, to start the changes with your loved one: stop being an emotionally dependent part of your couple, get rid of fears and resentments, find the strength in yourself to be a self-sufficient person who is able to respect the wishes and interests of a partner.

5. We put forward design requirements

If all the previous stages were successfully completed and did not bring any results, then you can proceed to a frank conversation with the second half. And start not with tantrums and ultimatums, but with constructive claims. After all, any, even the smallest female claim sometimes almost imperceptibly turns into an accusatory speech. For some reason, men don’t really like such speeches and they either prefer to keep silent defensively, or go on a tough attack and then a big quarrel cannot be avoided. And only then, it turns out that "I just wanted to ask to take out the trash." You can build a constructive conversation according to the “aquarium” principle - one speaks, the other at this time remains silent and digests what was said, and only after the partner’s sparkling speech speaks out himself, naturally also with the partner’s deathly silence. In order not to slip into monologues built solely on mutual reproaches, you can adopt another technique of psychologists - the technique of positive exchange: you are not speaking from a position " I do not like that you watch TV all evening after work, "and from the position" I like when we walk together in the evening or go to the cinema”.

In general, of course, any disease is better to prevent than to cure. So the best preventive measure against sick relationships, psychologists consider hugs to be such a kind of ascorbic acid for family immunity. Take 2 minutes a day and no “chill” is terrible for your relationship. You think it's rubbish? But it really does work!

Often couples who have lived together for some time are on the verge of divorce. What to do in such situations? We consider the principles of the correct behavior of men and women. Additionally, the advice of a psychologist is presented.

Family crises are experienced by every couple. For some, the reason for thinking about divorce is the eternal discontent of the husband / wife, for others - betrayal, for others - lack of attention, etc.

The most important thing for you now is to clearly identify the reason for your “collision”, to analyze the situation.

What was your relationship like before? Surprisingly good? So that you did not doubt the reliability of your marriage? Was there love between you, a spark? If you have something pleasant to remember, then perhaps you just need to endure and not stop fighting for your couple.

Important!
Keeping a family together is a constant job. There is no such thing that the beloved only in the first year recognized each other from all sides, and then everything goes on its own.
In any relationship, there are quarrels, disagreements, jealousy and other problems that may seem global to you.

If you are sure that your friends do not have this, then take into account the fact that they simply do not want to wash dirty linen in public and flaunt their scandals and discontent with each other. So you are not alone in this regard. And first of all, stop feeling sorry for yourself, look at the situation from the outside.

So, if you are determined, let's move on!

What to do if the family is on the verge of divorce

All tips in this category are generic. They are designed to eliminate the most common family conflicts.

When she leaves

1. Give her more attention. Joint walks, compliments and tenderness - all this and much more can significantly improve your situation. After all, if a woman hears the words of love, then she begins to feel real significance.
2. talk more. Now take the position of the listener. Be sincerely interested in her affairs, opinion, etc. This is how you will get closer again.
3. Make friends with her friends. But you need to do this thoughtfully so that your wife does not think that you are flirting. You can cheat by getting down to business right away: tell her best friend (and preferably several), about how painful it is for you to see such a relationship, how you love her and don’t want to lose her, etc. Rest assured that all this information will be shared with your wife soon!
4. Try to give her what she wants. This is not about whims, but about the most serious problem. Understand the essence of her unwillingness to live with you, and then act in this direction. She lacks attention - give; your jealousy kills her - control yourself; she is tired of your bad habits - give up. Start trying, she will definitely appreciate it.

1. Do not think that somewhere "the grass is greener". Let now you leave your spouse, find another man, time will pass, and romance will also disappear, everyday life, disagreements, etc. will appear. Is it worth wasting time and breaking fate?
2. Start paying attention to its positive aspects. For example: let him earn little, but he is always ready to stand up for you, let him not be so good in bed, but he is gentle and attentive, etc.
3. Analyze your behavior. Perhaps it is your fault that he behaves in a way that you do not like? For example, there are women who communicate very relaxedly with friends, and then are perplexed when the spouse does not control himself in fits of jealousy.

When he leaves

Important!
Never try to keep your spouse with lies, pregnancy, pity. These are the most ridiculous ways that later lead to irreversible divorces, suffering and spoiled destinies.

How to save a marriage. Lights of a psychologist

1. Live your life without intermediaries. First of all, stop telling others what is wrong in your family. So you not only give a reason to discuss your problems to everyone who is not lazy, but also fall under an unconscious influence. How do you let your emotions out then? Most The best way- direct all your energy to a serious conversation with your spouse. And then you will tell here, speak out there, and then, having come home, you no longer want to discuss this topic with your husband / wife - you have already splashed out all your emotions ... And so omissions accumulate.
2. Don't listen to anyone. In any case, you will still fall under the influence of someone: parents, sister, friend, colleague, etc. Everyone will advise you something “extremely correct”. But they do not fully know how your family affairs really are. It is up to you to judge whether to make a certain decision or not. In addition, the world around us is full of envious people or simply those people whose opinions are very different in relation to family policy: for example, some love a strict order in the family, prefer to command, others - a constant change of events, they see nothing wrong with concessions to their beloved person, etc.
3. stop. During the next scandal, calmly admit that you are tired of screaming and quarrels. And then just sit quietly. Surely, this will turn something in the head of the spouse.
4. Start talking again. Although you have been living together for a long time, get to know each other again: ask something about childhood, find out details about work, friends, plans for the coming years, ask about dreams, opinions, etc. It will be very effective if all this happens over a romantic dinner.
5. Learn to compromise. Surely this is the most relevant decision when you are on the verge of a divorce. What if you often have situations where you want exactly that, and your chosen person is quite the opposite? The answer is simple: learn to think about how to find the middle option. There is also nothing wrong with making some concessions. This is one of the components of a good relationship in a couple.
6. Learn to admit mistakes. Both are to blame for any disagreements: one said wrong, the other misunderstood, the first did not consider it necessary to restrain emotions, the second did not stint on offensive words, etc. Conduct introspection, and one day you will be able to bring another quarrel to nothing.
7. Get rid of household. Make time for yourself to relax together. A banal trip to an entertainment center or to the cinema will help you look at your soulmate in a slightly different way, not with a “hackneyed” look. And how many interesting things can you think of to get away from the ordinary for a while!
8. Break up for a while. If your relationship is no longer good enough, do not rush to divorce. Try to live separately, relax from each other. And there is a possibility that after a certain time, new wonderful feelings will wake up in you for your husband / wife - a person who until recently was “extremely bad”.

Video: How to save a family

Even if divorce from your husband seems inevitable, you can still save the relationship—and you don't have to drag your spouse to a therapist to do so. All you need is a push to change - and a little time. This is exactly what happens in families that have gone through a divorce, and then resumed relationships: the strongest shock prompts a woman to change - and a man reacts to this. Don't believe?

One day, 16 years ago, my husband Paul came home in the evening only to announce the breakup to me. He declared that our relationship was over, and resolutely headed for the door. And, you know, I was not surprised that my husband decided to leave. In those days, everything between us could not have been worse, suffice it to say that he called me the Snow Queen. However, I reacted very strangely.

After his words happened to me. Before this incident, I had not cried for ten years, and this pissed me off. I heard from someone that some people break up when a serious relationship breaks up, while others open up. The second must have happened to me, because due to the intensity of pain and despair, I felt such a surge of love for Paul that I had never experienced before.

Before, when I listened to love songs, I always considered them to be just poetry that had nothing to do with real life. And then I suddenly realized that such love for another person can actually be felt and that this is exactly what I feel for Paul. A new, unaccustomed fear seized me - the fear of missing out on the chance to experience such love again because I had made so many mistakes.

And then, not yet having the skills to maintain relationships, I did the only thing I could think of at that moment - I asked Paul to give us a second chance. I said that everything he said about me and our relationship was true. I said I didn't know if I could fix it, but I would do everything in my power to at least find out if it was possible.

I asked him for another chance. Thank God Paul decided to give it to us that evening.

As a person focused on personal development, I was immersed in learning everything that mankind knows about men, women, relationships and intimacy, and was shocked to the core by learning how much bad things were in our relationship with Paul because I didn't understand how men are made. I also found that my habit of relying on anyone but myself cut me off from what I most wanted in the world from my husband.

And I have changed. I found ways to interact with Paul that were gender sensitive and brought out the best in him and me.

The most amazing thing is that during that period Paul did not read books about relationships with me and did not go through any programs, I did it alone. And yet he, too, was changing, in response to the changes taking place in me.

About a year later, noticing my transformation, Paul asked what I was reading and what he should learn, as he was very inspired by the change in me. It made him feel like a better man than before, he said, and now he wanted to do his part too.

It doesn't take two to dance

So, only one partner can change the relationship! And this is very good news, because in my experience, two people in a relationship are rarely equally ready to change anything at the same time. Most often, either one is not satisfied with the relationship, and the second thinks that everything is in order, or both admit that things are not going too well, and one wants to change something, and the second refuses to take part in this. All this puts people in front of a difficult dilemma: to calm down and be content with relationships without joy, or to undergo the pain and suffering that invariably accompanies parting.

Both options are bad, and we offer you a third - do not put up, but change the relationship. And for this you no need to involve a partner. It doesn't take two to tango! One partner always changes relationships. How does this happen?

Something similar must have happened to you. The day is going well. Everything works out for you, you can easily cope with all the problems. Then you meet a partner, and from the very first minute he starts complaining about life. What happens to your high spirits? It immediately ceases to be excellent and falls below zero, right? But why? After all, nothing has changed! I answer: the partner launched a negative reaction in you, and your mood merged into the toilet.

The next minute you say, "I'm having such a great day. Why are you so negative?"

Your words make your partner react like this: “Yes, you just don’t understand how I feel. You have no idea how a person who has real problems feels!”

You say in response: "Why are you always dissatisfied with everything?"

What do you think happened? Nothing has changed in the world, it's just that your partner has pissed you off. Now you are exchanging "courtesies", with both of you participating in a skirmish. It all started wrong, but you quickly slipped into personal insults.

One of the partners always changes the relationship, pulling the trigger - we call it a trigger. People and circumstances, whether pleasant or unpleasant, cause us to feel and respond in certain ways.

Try to imagine how you would feel in each of the following situations. What emotions would it evoke in you?

• Your child comes home and says, "Today a boy from our class hit me and called me a fool."
• Your partner says, "I love you so much. Every day I am overwhelmed with gratitude that I can spend my days next to the best person on earth. Thank you for loving me."
• Your boss says: "You broke the record for performance! Everyone is in awe of your amazing results!"

Each statement evokes a different emotion. It is in this way that the behavior of one person causes a reaction that instantly changes your state. This happens every day and most of us don't even realize it.

Triggers are a very powerful force. But they can be used to bring out the best in a person, not the worst. You can stop pressing on your partner’s pain points and, on the contrary, bring out the best in him and help him improve and become himself. After you do this, you will learn how to keep the love and passion that you dream of.

So, in order to change relationships, you do not need the participation of a partner. You could even say that asking him to work on the relationship with you is not constructive. Why? To answer this question, consider an example.

A close friend says to you, "Listen, there's an event called 'Looking Better' next month! I'm definitely going, and I think you should go too. We both need it. I'm definitely going. Let's go together!"

What do you think when you hear from a friend that you both "need it"? In all likelihood, "What the hell?! Does she really want to say that I don't look very good and I need to do something about it? Let him go to hell!"

Well, or something like (with offense): "Oh God! I knew it! She always thought I looked bad! All this time! I knew, I knew! I'm ugly! She just confirmed it!"

Here's the thing: when you ask a person to participate in something for the sake of improvement you mean now the situation not good enough. Worse, most people will interpret your words as if you directly told them that they are not good enough. In other words, by doing this you will either make a person defend himself or cause an inferiority complex in him - depending on the degree of his self-confidence.

Even if a partner agrees to your terms, this will be tantamount to admitting that he is not good enough. He may not realize it, but that's how you make him feel. That's why asking him to work on relationships is often harmful.

Reading time: 2 min

How to save a family is one of the most frequently asked questions today. And this is understandable, because according to official statistics, every second family breaks up. V modern world It was quite difficult to keep the family together. In order for the marriage not to fall apart, you need the desire of both spouses, a huge, painstaking daily work on yourself and your relationship. One of the most common reasons for divorce is misunderstanding between spouses, which eventually develops into acute conflict situations and practically unsolvable personal problems. And so that this does not arise, one should learn to competently build relationships in the family.

I want to save my family, what should I do? How often you can hear such a question from the lips of young, and not so young girls. You can give them a lot of advice, but all of them will be in vain if you do not solve the fundamental question, but is it worth keeping the family? You need to answer this question honestly for yourself, to understand what motives guide you. Maybe there is no nepotism for a long time, feelings are gone and people no longer have anything in common?

If you still decide to keep the family, then the following tips will help you with this.

One of the main reasons for many conflict situations in the family is closely related to the fact that the subjects gradually cease to notice a personality in their partner, and begin to perceive him as a set of useful and necessary functions.

So, for example, the average husband has the following useful set of functions: regularly brings a salary, comes home on time, does not throw socks around the apartment, gives gifts for the holidays and flowers when he has done something wrong, etc. This is how a typical instance of a multifunctional man should be.

The same situation is observed in relation of men to women. A wife should be able to cook, wash regularly, always be in a good mood, and she should never have a headache at night.

When there are some failures in the performance of their functions, either by a man or a woman, the other half begins to take offense, get angry and show their displeasure, which leads to conflict. But a man is not a machine. He may get sick or upset, tired or want to be alone. And so, day after day, gradually people stop noticing and cherishing the features for which they fell in love with each other, and take them for granted. Along with this, they successfully focus on qualities that do not like and annoy. This situation is observed even in a stable connection. People are so arranged that they tend to notice more negative than positive. Therein lies the danger. Individuals can lose sight of the whole picture, which is not so bad.

What to do to save the family? The second tip is to admire each other. Do a little exercise to understand the importance of admiring your partner. Imagine all the qualities of a spouse that cause you negativity, rejection, think about what character traits your partner lacks. Of course, such thoughts will cause you disappointment, irritation and annoyance. And now imagine everything that you loved in your partner, his best qualities and character traits, everything that you like about him, and watch your mood - it will immediately improve. Such thoughts can help to cope with annoying and unpleasant moments that arise in the process of living together.

Admiration is a direct antagonism of the feeling of disrespect, the occurrence of which in relation to a partner leads to a fairly quick breakup of the family. Disrespect is considered one of the most dangerous feelings in family life. Therefore, try to cultivate positive thoughts about your partner as often as possible. When it becomes a habit, you will instantly notice a dramatic change for the better in a relationship. Praise and admire your partner out loud. At first, it may be unusual for him, but over time, the partner will get used to it and your relationship will light up in a new way.

How to save a young family? You need to learn to understand yourself. After all, each person has a set of unconscious expectations and assumptions regarding interaction with a partner, which develops gradually. All our conjectures are influenced by the family from which we came. It is in the parental family that the primary emotional problems often arise. And since there is no way to resolve them, people push them deeper into the subconscious. Such conjectures and problems tend to come up in similar conditions, while remaining unaccountable (unconscious), can quite spoil a life together. After all, people tend to get upset if they don’t get what they want.

Another of the most common mistakes is the inability or unwillingness to express their conscious desires in a clear form. Many individuals believe that the partner must guess what he wants. Unfortunately, this is quite rare. Therefore, partners should learn to express their thoughts and desires clearly, openly, clearly, but at the same time try not to provoke a defensive reaction from each other.

How to maintain relationships in the family? The art of competent argument will help in this. A decisive factor in family well-being is how spouses discuss or argue with each other. To begin with, it is necessary to figure out where the discussions are leading - to sharpening or to resolving, mitigating the conflict. Of course, it is difficult, but possible, to competently build a discussion when passions are running high. It is difficult to argue correctly, but it is quite possible. Indeed, in disputes with a superior person, people try to restrain themselves, therefore, the problem is not in the lack of communication skills, but in the very atmosphere of negativity that reigns in the family and can lead to a global scandal at the slightest disagreement.

Psychologists claim that the conflict between spouses can be resolved much more successfully and fruitfully, provided that attention is focused not on the essence of the controversial issue, but on one's own emotions that are associated with it. The main idea is that in any unregulated conflict, try to break the habitual cycle of negativity associated with disagreements between partners.

There are some tactics that help solve this problem and find the answer to the question of how to maintain family relationships. It is necessary to limit the time of the dispute. Agree, to begin with, to set aside about 15 minutes in a row for any dispute, provided that you will definitely return to the discussion of the exciting controversial issue if you do not meet the deadline. Use a clock or a timer to keep track of time. Don't rely on your inner sense of time. Indeed, in moments of excessive emotional arousal, it can be very let down.

Try to remain calm - a specific means of dealing with emotional overexcitation, which is the most serious destructive factor family relations. Try to restrain the first outbursts of anger, direct criticism of the individual. It is allowed to criticize the partner's behavior or specific actions, but not his personality. At this stage of the dispute, too, one cannot trust the sensations and must be based on objective physiological indicators, first of all, measure the pulse rate first at the beginning of the conversation, and then every five minutes. If it rises by more than 10%, then you should take a break for 20 minutes. Until you are sure that you have completely calmed down, you do not need to rush into battle again. After all, people often believe that they have already calmed down, when in fact this is far from the case.

Learn to speak and listen at the same time, without taking a defensive position. Do not speculate what you have not been told, just listen carefully to the interlocutor. Try to understand the partner's motivation, what he is really concerned about, what he is worried about. Do not take criticism as a personal insult and do not immediately rush into a counterattack. The correct reaction would be to regard such manifestations as a sign of the severity and severity of the problem for the partner. However, this does not mean that you have to agree on everything. The most important task is to understand the feelings of a partner, accepting them as fair, even if you do not agree.

Learn to express understanding to your partner. Numerous studies show that it is not so much important for individuals to solve a problem as it is to understand it. So try to manifest and learn to see things from the perspective of the other.

During the discussion, you need to calmly and as briefly as possible, clearly outline what happened in your opinion. It is better to start any claims with the pronouns “I”, “me”, “me” and not “you”. Formulate your thoughts clearly, clearly and politely. The speech should have a positive character and be accompanied by the so-called "magic" words and the phrases "please", "I would be pleased if you."

Do not flatter yourself that you have learned to competently conduct a dialogue if you have succeeded in the first argument. Mastering the skills of a proper argument to perfection requires practice and attention. It is necessary to bring the technique of competent construction of the discussion to automatism.
Learn, before critically evaluating your partner, also evaluate your own claims against him. Assess your claims. Maybe the claims are too high? Become each other's best friends.

How to save a family after infidelity

Change, what a terrible word. It would seem that our family will never know its meaning, but years have passed and now we are on the verge of making a fateful decision.

Divorce or keep the family? If the latter, then what should be done to save the family? If the betrayal of one of the partners was the result of a mistake or momentary weakness, which the spouse (wife) has already regretted a thousand times, then it is probably better to forgive and forget. However, if the partner cheats regularly and intends to continue to do so in the future, then it makes no sense to keep the family together.

There can be many reasons for cheating, but this does not make it any less painful. Not all people are able to forgive. Everyone has a different attitude to such a thing as treason - someone perceives it as an insignificant weakness, while others consider it a betrayal. It is from the attitude to the very concept of "treason" that the chosen decision depends.

The difficulty of forgiving betrayal lies in forgetting the fact of its existence, never remembering it and, God forbid, reproach, in preventing the occurrence of such situations in the future.

So, the husband cheated, and the woman is haunted by the only thought “I want to save the family”, what should I do in this case?

First of all, you need to stop constantly reproaching your husband for being rude. Most often, the strong half makes lovers for themselves due to the fact that they cannot relax and spend time with their wife. Indeed, after some time had passed after the cries of “bitterly” subsided, the honeymoon and honeymoon ended, passions began to subside, and feelings from bright and saturated were transformed into deeper, but calm, all communication between spouses began to be reduced only to solving family problems. problems and banal life. Mistresses, on the contrary, are always glad to see a man and do not demand anything in return.

Often, male adultery is closely connected only with the satisfaction of carnal instincts. Therefore, it may be worth becoming more liberated in bed and trying to allow your man in intimacy all his fantasies. Maybe you will like it too? Become young and beautiful again, the one he once fell in love with. After all, marriage is not a reason to relax and start your appearance. Remember what it's like to take care of yourself. Of course, a woman solves many problems during the day, she is busy at work and at home, raising children lies with her. However, this is not an objective reason to run your appearance. You can always make time for yourself if you want. You can share household chores with your husband. After all, quite often men cheat because they are drawn to diversity, and they peck at the appearance of a girl, because at home they are met every day by “natural” beauty.

How can a man save his family if his wife cheated? First of all, start looking for the cause in yourself. After all, the beautiful half cheats much less often than the stronger sex. Also, female adultery rarely happens on the basis of passions, since it is not enough for girls to feel passion for the man they like, she needs to sympathize with him as a person. That is, a girl, in order to decide on treason, you need to practically fall in love with a man. That is why you should look for the cause in your own behavior and yourself. Maybe she decided to take this step due to a lack or complete lack of attention, dull intimacy, your constant untidy appearance or harmful character.

Consider that your spouse may have made this mistake because of her uncontrollable jealousy or drunkenness. Try to forgive her sincerely if she sincerely admitted to cheating on you and promised not to do this again. However, the level of control over it still needs to be increased.

Women are sublime creatures who love romance, so give it to them as often as possible. Remember the young mischievous boy who won her heart earlier. Romantic dates, candlelight dinners, conversations until dawn, flowers, crazy deeds, small feats, and all this for her alone. Believe me, if a woman always sees her reflection in your eyes, observes delight in herself, if care for her is visible in all your actions, and love is in your actions, then she will never even think about cheating, and you will become the happiest person on earth. light. After all, there is no one more beautiful than a woman who is loved and admired. She will become your reliable friend, faithful companion, passionate lover, caring mother.

And, on the contrary, a girl who feels a lack of attention and romance in a relationship from the chosen one will react very violently to strangers who can provide her with all this. From dizzying attention to their person, many of the fairer sex can make a mistake and cheat on their loved one. Therefore, give flowers to spouses more often, surprise and delight them, arrange candlelight dinners and many other a little crazy, but such exciting acts. After all, your loved ones deserve it!

How can a husband save his family?

There is probably no person on earth who has not dreamed of a quiet family happiness and a cloudless life together. However, rarely does anyone think that family well-being depends on the hard and painstaking work of both spouses. Very often such a seemingly heavenly happiness after honeymoon after a while it turns into constant quarrels and scandals. And the only thought spinning in my head is “help save the family.”

Today, all fashionable glossy magazines, Internet portals, blue screens, simply bombarded women with advice, methods, methods and techniques for maintaining marriage and stable marital relations. At the present time, the most popular topic is "how to save a family - advice from a psychologist." However, for some reason, all psychological advice is aimed only at "resetting the brains" of the female part of the population, and everyone bypasses the strong half. Of course, a woman, from time immemorial, has been the keeper of the hearth, but do not forget that times are changing. Therefore, to hang all responsibility for the preservation of the marriage on the weak half is, at least, not fair, but for the most part, it is simply not right. After all, it is impossible to save a relationship if one partner will try to save them, and the other will not care.

A man is fighting to be considered the head of the family, but he does not want to really take responsibility for the relationship, shifting it onto the fragile female shoulders. Therefore, the following tips on how to save a young family will be for men.

How can a man save his family? The first and most important rule is the respect shown by a man to his wife and love for her. A man should try to take care of the second half, consult with her on all emerging issues, help her manage the household and raise children, be faithful to her.

You need to try to get to know your chosen one better, and for this, observe her behavior at home, at a party, in the store. This will allow you to always know what mood she is in now and help to avoid unnecessary quarrels. Men are often annoyed by women's behavior that defies their logic. Observing the second half and paying attention to her will allow you to always anticipate the actions of your spouse, and her behavior will be available for your understanding. This helps to reduce conflict situations in relationships and improve the family microclimate.

By following these simple recommendations, you can be sure that peace and prosperity will not leave your home. The wife, looking at your example, will try to match you, which, of course, will further strengthen the relationship and give a happy family life.

Cheating husband - how to save a family

Unfortunately, modern society has not come up with a single recipe that could solve the problem of infidelity and attitude towards it. Some individuals prefer not to notice and turn a blind eye to treason, pretend that nothing is happening. After all, if you know for sure that there was adultery, then you need to make a decision. And how you don’t want changes in your established life, but it’s also very scary to change something in your life. This is how family life goes from treason to treason, gradually moving the spouses more and more away from each other until they become completely strangers. Naturally, the reaction to betrayal depends not only on the personal factor of the partners, but also on the existing relationship between the spouses, the presence of affection and how strongly it is expressed, trust in each other.

Some men believe that the most important thing in a relationship is honesty. That is why they often come and repent of treason. By their love of honesty, they simply justify their cowardice. They are ashamed of their act and it is hard to bear the responsibility for adultery themselves, and therefore they decide to shift it onto women's shoulders. He relieves his conscience by inflicting pain on a loved one. If in fact a man considered honesty and sincerity in relationships above all else, he would not have dared to cheat.

There is another type of men - professional "traitors". They cannot imagine life without intimacy on the side. However, such men draw a strict line between the family and their little “hobbies” on the side, preferring to protect their wife from unnecessary knowledge. In such families, wives may even know about endless betrayals, but they accept the established rules of the game, as the unfaithful spouse tries to compensate for the betrayal in some way. Also, women are afraid to be alone without the material support of their spouse, so they turn a blind eye to endless intrigues on his part.

So decide for yourself what to prefer a divorce or save the family. But if you're in favor of maintaining a relationship, then the following tips will help you get through this problem. The first advice is to try by all means to avoid everything that can fuel your negative feelings and feelings for your husband. However, this does not mean at all that you should hide from him that you are hurt. Show him how you feel, but do it quickly and strongly. And after a surge of emotions, resentment and anger, try to switch. Be sure to discuss what happened with your husband, discuss plans for a future life together. Do not involve outsiders in the conflict. An infidelity situation has developed between the two of you, so the two of you should work through it. Use the method of calm showdown.

Another in an efficient way is considered an epistolary genre. Write a letter to your husband in which you state absolutely all your feelings and thoughts. With help this method it is much easier to express your thoughts, explain your position and express everything that you feel, which is almost impossible in a normal conversation. Dialogue based on emotions usually leads to arguments that give rise to the development of conflicts. Another advantage of this method is the relief that the process of writing a letter will bring. You can also seek professional help from a psychologist.

Save the family for the sake of the child

Every adult knows that for the full formation of the personality of the child, his development and health, first of all, a favorable atmosphere is needed in a complete family, where there is a father and mother. However, unfortunately, it so often happens that the fire of love between parents goes out, mutual understanding and respect disappear, and living together turns into a series of endless grievances, quarrels and conflicts. In such situations, it is the child who suffers in the first place. What to do in such a situation - divorce or save the family?

If there is no mutual understanding between the spouses, feelings have cooled down, discord reigns in the family, then it makes no sense to keep the family, hiding behind a child. After all, the family atmosphere affects absolutely all family members. Therefore, if you do not get along with each other, suffer yourself and harass your spouse, then it is better to stop these relationships, especially for a child. After all, often children can take the blame for the discord in the family on themselves. Often, the parents themselves provoke the child to feel guilty, taking out resentment and disappointment on the child, believing that they live and harass each other for him. It is not necessary to say it out loud, the child reads such non-verbal messages himself.

Is it worth keeping a family? If a feeling of love is still alive between the spouses and there is respect, then you can try, but if nothing keeps them together, except for children, then it’s not worth it. After all, divorce does not mean that one of the parents will abandon the child and his upbringing. You just need to learn how to build relationships with your ex-spouse and child in a new way. After a divorce, a child should in no case suffer from a lack of attention from one of the parents. And even more so, you should not try to take revenge on your ex-spouse with the help of your “native blood”.

Divorce is not a sentence, but an opportunity to meet another man (woman) and create a more stable and happy relationship with him. A child will be happy when his parents are happy.

Most often, people are cunning when they say "help save the family for the sake of the child." They want to keep the relationship for themselves, hiding behind their children. In fact, many adults live together for many reasons, the most important of which is that they themselves are so comfortable. And the child is just a cover. Telling others that my husband is bad, but I can’t leave him, because I don’t want to hurt the child, we kind of exalt ourselves in our own eyes and in the eyes of society. From time immemorial people have canonized martyrs. Men in this regard are more honest, if they feel bad with their wife, in rare cases they can be kept by children, and then until the moment they fall in love.

Think about when you make a decision to save the family for the sake of the child, that he feels everything and understands that with this decision you are just cowardly trying to shift the blame for the ruined life on the baby. And for a child's soul, such a burden is unbearable.
It may still be better to honestly admit, at least to yourself, that you are keeping your marriage with this person only because there is a fear of being alone, it’s more comfortable, you don’t want to share property, it’s scary to radically change your life.

Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"