Male infantilism how to fight. Infantile man: how to deal with it. Which women become "victims" of infantile
In psychology, the concept of infantilism is characterized by the preservation in a person's behavior and in his attitude to life of the characteristics of the psycho-emotional state of the child.
Recognizing such a man is easy. It differs:
- egocentrism, expressed in full confidence in his rightness, irresistibility and the feeling that everyone around should fulfill his desires;
- irresponsibility (an infantile person does not like to make decisions, does not take responsibility, tries to shift everything onto other people's shoulders, he lives by satisfying needs in the here and now, does not think about tomorrow at all);
- inability to take care of other people (the priority is always one's own desires with a complete absence of thoughts about how this will affect others);
- lack of independence (he does not want to delve into issues and do what is needed, for example, he does not know how to pay for an apartment, top up his phone, he cannot change his rights or passport, and so on);
- inability to adequate self-esteem. Such a man does not know how to analyze his own actions and evaluate himself, his behavior, based on objective realities - everyone around is to blame, but he is not in business.
What to do if your man is an infantile?
Most often, infantile men are taken as husbands by strong and self-confident women who do not tolerate objections and control their own lives and the lives of their loved ones. About such a couple, we can say that they found each other. The wife plays the role of a mother, and the husband allows himself to be looked after, washed, stroked, fed and taken care of in every possible way.
But what if you want to make a real man out of your chosen one? Then here's how to proceed:
- you need to be patient and slowly get rid of the roles of "man" and "mom". Allow yourself to be just a weak woman who likes to be looked after and pampered. This is a plus of an infantile man, he is romantic and knows how to surprise;
- stop giving orders! Do not do for a man what lies in his area of \u200b\u200bresponsibility - you need to let him act independently;
- create conditions for the manifestation of this independence, for example, ask to cook dinner, because you will be late at work, at the same time buy some easily prepared semi-finished products and show him where they are;
- delegate some of the household tasks: entrust your husband with paying utility bills, motivate him to do it with the fear of power outages and the Internet - because of which he will not be able to play his favorite games;
- specify the boundaries of personal space: let's say that personal clothing is his area of responsibility. From now on, do not show your husband where socks, ties, shirts are, do not pick up scattered things. Just calmly wait for him to put them in the washing machine himself (here you have to be patient);
- periodically demonstrate your helplessness and ask to do something that you “probably can’t handle” because you are a weak woman. Let him be your hero and savior;
- be sure to praise the independence of a man, do not be stingy: make a happy face and express immense gratitude, but you must not lie. If something frankly did not work out, then it is better to thank for the efforts.
Understand a simple truth: a family is two halves of one whole, and they are always balanced. Therefore, when the wife assumes the functions of a man, the husband becomes more feminine in his behavior. But as soon as you move on to the scenario of a weak woman, the partner begins to show masculine qualities.
27.10.2017
Snezhana Ivanova
Infantile man most people are perceived extremely negatively, causing general hostility and irritation.
An infantile man is perceived by most people extremely negatively, causing general hostility and irritation. Such a person is understood by others as weak, dependent, devoid of all ambitions and aspirations. However, for many women, it becomes a real problem to meet an infantile person in their lives and start building relationships with him.
Signs of an infantile man
How do you know that this is the right option for you? There are several signs that help distinguish an infantile man from an emotionally mature person.
Self-doubt
Such a person does not know how to make decisions, because he always and in everything hopes for the help of others. Self-doubt is the main hallmark of infantilism. Sometimes it seems that such people deliberately try to attract more attention to themselves because of their own mental weakness. Self-doubt often breeds strained relationships with others. Such guys do not know how to make decisions and do not know what they want to achieve in life. As a rule, many of them rush through life in search of best solution and cannot find the best solution for themselves.
lack of independence
An infantile man in most cases is characterized by great lack of independence. All because he is really afraid to make decisions, to act in accordance with his inner convictions. Lack of self-reliance is manifested literally in everything: in thoughts, deeds, actions. Infantilism in guys is expressed in the fact that they do not want and do not strive to be useful, to take responsibility for what is happening. Such a person often asks for help from relatives and friends, even if it is possible to cope on their own.
Fear of Judgment
Another characteristic feature of an infantile man. Such a guy literally hides from life because of the fear of being misunderstood and condemned. The feeling of inner constraint interferes with the manifestation of individuality, prevents one from starting to take any productive steps towards the desired result. Fear of condemnation often leads to the fact that a person does not develop, does not work on himself and his character. The fear of doing something not so much limits the consciousness, prevents a meaningful understanding of the essence of things.
Helplessness in domestic matters
An infantile person is completely unadapted to life. Looking at him, one gets the impression that he himself suffers from his own innocence. The most mundane things cause him fear and panic. If a tap breaks in the apartment or some other trouble occurs that requires immediate attention, such a person will most likely be confused and will seek help from his closest associates. Characteristic helplessness prevents him from living, building normal relationships with the opposite sex. Such a guy usually wants a woman to take care of all the worries and worries. Fortunately, in real life this is hardly possible. A rare girl in a relationship wants to become a "mommy" for her boyfriend and please him in everything.
Refusal to work
Strong bond with mother
An infantile man is always distinguished by emotional immaturity. He, as a rule, has a dependence on his mother, her mood and state of mind. Such a person never makes decisions without consulting with the most important person in the world. It is convenient for him to feel close to his mother as a small child, for whom they will always think, take care of him. A strong relationship with a parent often prevents building harmonious relationships with members of the opposite sex. Such a guy has been looking for a life partner for a long time, and if he finds it, then as close as possible to his mother.
Indefinite relationship
Another characteristic feature of an infantile man is the inability to get acquainted and communicate. He can keep the girl at a distance for a long time, without making any attempts to get closer. Most often, the guy himself does not know what he wants. His fear of life is so great that it does not allow him to feel confident in the future. A young man cannot make any girl happy until he overcomes his own infantilism. Children's concept of life is a serious obstacle to fully communicate and trust the world around them.
How to fix an infantile man
The question is quite interesting and at the same time ambiguous. It is usually asked by girls who have been lucky enough to start dating a typical "mother's son." Of course, this situation requires correction and revision of roles in relationships. How to fix a man who does not want to grow up, and can this be done in principle?
Taking responsibility
The reluctance to leave childhood is always associated with some reasons. Having dealt with his real childhood experience, a person gets the opportunity to correct the situation. Taking responsibility for what is happening will allow you to form an adequate attitude towards life. An infantile man is afraid of responsibility. It seems to him that he will not cope with the difficulties that arise. Inexperience in important matters causes him fear and a subconscious desire to avoid all sorts of difficulties with all his might. This is a must to work with. Otherwise, the consequences can be very unpredictable.
Finding your way
This step also comes from taking responsibility. The search for your individual path begins with the realization that the same mistake is constantly made in life. It is not easy, it requires a lot of time and certain strong-willed efforts. As a rule, infantilism prevents the guy from starting to realize the available prospects and opportunities. He just constantly finds himself immersed in his own experiences. A characteristic sign of beginning maturation is the understanding of how to correct an unsatisfactory situation. Sometimes it can take several years before a person realizes his mistakes and wants to really move forward.
Work searches
It is difficult for a guy prone to infantilism to get out of a childish idea of \u200b\u200bthe world. He really thinks little about whose money is used to buy food, who pays for his food and education. Such a person would be willing to live his whole life on someone's provision. Finding a job for him becomes a serious step, which can gradually change the attitude towards the surrounding reality. It is only important to start moving in the direction of what you want, as gradually the situation will actually begin to change for the better. A successful job search will increase self-confidence and self-confidence.
Admitting your mistakes
The most difficult thing for a guy who is used to shifting responsibility for his life to others is to see the meaninglessness and absurdity of his childish behavior. Admitting your mistakes is already half the battle. Indeed, in order to see the futility of one's own behavior, one must internally mature and grow up in some way. Not everyone who has fallen into childhood is really capable of this. This is because a person gets used to something to justify his own inaction over time.
Thus, a man suffering from infantilism suffers himself and makes others endure significant inconvenience. He will need to work hard on himself in order to overcome the state of fear and helplessness in front of real life.
When we hear the phrase "infantile", we usually imagine a person who is irresponsible, dependent, frivolous, unable to make well-thought-out decisions in a timely manner. Adult but acting like a child...
Many representatives of the older generation like to say that today's youth are complete infantiles. We propose to leave this thesis aside (although we will return to it a little later) and instead figure out what infantilism is, what are its signs and who can really be called an infantile person. And most importantly - what are the reasons for this phenomenon and is an immature person able to grow up and become an adult?
Types of infantilism
To begin with, let's figure out what types of infantilism will be discussed. This word has different meanings depending on the field. In psychiatry, it is a pathological developmental delay when the adolescent's behavior and emotional responses correspond to those of children (or when the adult behaves like a child or adolescent). There is also physiological infantilism - respectively, physiological pathology, a delay in the development of organs and systems. In everyday use, it most often refers to psychological and / or social infantilism, not associated with pathologies. It is on these types that we propose to stop.
The main features and signs of infantile behavior
In psychology, they speak of infantilism when adults (according to their passports) in life show traits characteristic of a child or, rather, a teenager. In such cases, they note that we have an immature, infantile personality. And, again, this has nothing to do with the pathologies of the psyche. This means that the hero of our story is generally healthy, but his way of thinking and behavioral patterns do not correspond to those of mature individuals. What exactly is meant?
Consider the most obvious signs of infantilism.
This recalls the confrontation between the limbic brain and the neocortex in the "Three brains" model according to McLean. "Adult" adults are able to subdue the limbic brain and follow what the neocortex says. At the same time, infantiles often simply obey the limbic system and do not even try to cope with its impulses.
social infantilism
Very close to psychological and social infantilism. It also suggests that we have a mentally healthy person who does not want to take responsibility and solve problems. In this case, these are issues of socialization, adaptation to environmental conditions, social values. Mainly - unwillingness to take responsibility associated with new for such individuals, "adult" duties.
It should be noted that social infantilism carries not only an objective, but also an evaluative component. 
The fact is that the starting point here is the values and mores of society. Values change - for example, from generation to generation, and with such a change in the eyes of parents, their children will be social infantiles.
For example, now some women do not see the meaning of life in creating a family and raising children (traditional values). In the eyes of one part of society, such ladies look, at best, infantile girls who do not want to take responsibility. In the eyes of the other part, the decision not to have children can be even more responsible than the decision to give birth, if a woman understands that she is not yet ready for this from a financial or moral point of view.
Thus, if representatives of the older generation speak of young people as complete infantiles, they most likely mean social infantilism (or people who use this word may not know its meaning at all, but this is a completely different story).
Since the psychological and sociological types are in principle quite close, we propose to further consider them together.
Infantiles in work and personal life
Infantile men and women strive for an easy life, in which there are no serious worries and problems - as in childhood. At the same time, an “adult child” can be a very successful specialist in his field, but in everyday life, in relationships, behave like a teenager (appeasable or capricious). But it also happens that he has problems with work. For example, some turn off the path when they encounter even a small obstacle. They immediately give up, transfer the project to other employees, refuse promising positions and tasks, afraid of not coping. Others are too irresponsible to be relied upon because they think it's okay to quit their job because they get bored or want to do something else. All this, of course, complicates the career path.
Infantilism knows no gender: it occurs with equal success in both men and women. It should also be noted that this phenomenon is far from new, and "adult children" have existed at all times.
As for family relationships, the heroes of our story may well be in a strong relationship. But they are not looking for a partner, but for a parent - someone who will solve all their problems for them. If their soulmate is satisfied with such a role, then this union can be quite harmonious. Older Kids are for those who prefer to make their own decisions for themselves and others, and who like to have things the way they want. An “adult child” has children of its own. Often, these two "types" of children enjoy spending time together, playing, etc. It is important here that the boy or girl still had an example of an “adult” adult in front of his eyes.
Contrary to the opinion of some people, passion for computer games, science fiction, films, books, comics, collecting toys, etc. in itself is not at all a sign of infantilism in adults. Just as individual traits of character or an attitude that does not coincide with the public point of view to certain life issues (marriage, children, work) do not speak about this. In future articles, we will look at this issue in more detail. In the meantime, we note: to be an infantile person means to manifest many of the above features in a complex!
Reasons for the development of infantilism
As you know, many personality traits stem from childhood. Social and psychological infantilism is no exception. Moreover, in most cases it is associated with the mistakes of upbringing on the part of parents. Among the most common reasons are overprotection, the desire to please the child in everything, to protect him from all problems and worries, to run to help even before he asks for it.
Negatively affects the complete disregard for the opinions and feelings of a small person, making all decisions for him (what to wear, what to play and what to do), an attempt to embody in a son or daughter what the parent himself did not succeed.
There are other reasons why children grow up on a passport, but not on personal development. However, education is too voluminous a topic that should be considered separately. The most important thing: due to the fact that parents constantly and at the root “chop off” decisions, dreams, aspirations, desires, ambitions, emotions, intentions of the child, in the end, he simply stops thinking and deciding on his own. Why, if it will still be the way mom or dad says? Because of this, the process of formation and maturation of the personality is disrupted in a young person, and as a result, it never matures.
As an adult, such a person tries his best to maintain the status quo - that is, not to decide anything for himself, not to cope with difficulties, to do what others say. This also has its advantages. Are there any disadvantages? Yes, and there can be quite a lot of them.
What are the problems of infantilism?
Is it possible to get rid of infantilism?
You can get rid of infantilism. Formally, in order to stop being infantile, a person needs to realize that his life depends only on him, that he can change it himself, that he has the right to his opinion, his decisions, emotions and desires, as well as to implement everything he has planned. in life. It does not look too complicated - in theory, all this is given to us from birth. However, in practice, if a person at a conscious age never listened to himself and did not make decisions, 
it may be difficult for him to readjust. Therefore, not everyone manages to defeat infantilism without the help of a psychologist.
The desire of the person himself to change is also important. Many "adult children" do not see the peculiarities of their thinking and behavior. All of the above is present for them rather on a subconscious level. They do not think that mom / dad / husband / wife will come and solve all the problems. They don't understand that they can't decide for themselves. They think (and say) things like, "I need some advice before I can give you a final answer." Such people are proud enough to consider all imposed decisions as their own.
In addition, outwardly being under eternal care is very convenient, and if earlier the hero of our story lived within the framework of the “parent-child” model, it means that he had such an opportunity. However, if a person feels lonely, unhappy, or experiences some problems or fears, he himself may want to change something in himself and in his life. And for “adult children” this is already a big step forward.
What to do if your loved one is an infantile?
“A friend in need is known” - this saying well reflects the easiest way to calculate an infantile. As long as everything is normal and you do not encounter problems, the immaturity of the personality may practically not manifest itself in any way. But when problems need to be solved, the childish behavior and way of thinking of your friend or significant other becomes apparent.
Can you help a loved one stop being childish? Yes, you can help. However, you should not take on the role of a parent and decide for a person whether he needs it or not. 
It seems to you that someone lives wrong, but he himself may really like it. In addition, if you decide to be an infantile, then you simply take your place in the parent-child model.
One way or another, if you are helping a loved one grow up, help gently. Start with something small. For example, try asking him more about what he wants, starting with small things. To begin with, leave it up to him to choose how you will spend the day off, what to cook, etc., then move on to more significant issues. Ask more often how the person feels and what they want. But do not condemn and do not say that his feelings or desires are wrong - this is what they say to infantiles without you. Your loved one must actually understand that he can make decisions, that he has the right to his emotions and desires. But also let him deal with problems on his own - be there and provide support, but do not do anything for a friend.
Ask what your loved one wanted to be in childhood and, if possible, offer to take a step towards that dream now, and together with you. Or maybe he already has more “fresh” desires, which are actually not so difficult to fulfill? For example, if a person wanted / wants to become an artist / cook / read Shakespeare in the original, sign up with him for the appropriate courses. Your support will be very important.
Recall the main rule - do not do anything instead of a friend, do not make decisions for him. Let him do it himself, and you just be there and provide support if necessary.
As you know, some immature people "emergency" grow up, faced with various serious problems, because of which it is no longer possible to remain a child. However, in no case do not “treat” others with any stress (similar recommendations can be found on the Web). Remember that someone grows up in such cases, and someone breaks down - gets a neurosis, falls into depression, etc.
In conclusion, we note: of course, it is important for adults to keep a part of the child in themselves - to enjoy pleasant little things, dream, believe in miracles, etc. But it is also important that an adult is at the helm at the right time. No matter how attractive childhood is, it must give way to another life, which also has a lot of good things.
